You got me.

I don't know.

It's a simple sentence.  The words make sense, I know what they mean individually and collectively, but the last few weeks I've tripped up a few times using it, having to explain myself soon after.  At some stage - I don't know when* - the phrase has turned to passive-aggressive negativity.  Consider the following;

"I swear; I saw him with Estelle down by the corner only an hour ago."

"I don't know if I believe that," said Marcy.

What Marcy really meant to say (and potentially should have said);

"I swear; I saw him with Estelle down by the corner only an hour ago."

"I don't think I believe that," said Marcy.

The second option is the true explanation of Marcy's meaning, yet nearly everyone, anywhere, for anything, the first option is used.  'I don't know' doesn't mean that you are unsure of the implications or decisions, it means you actually don't agree but you won't say so outright.

Three times now, in two weeks, I've had to amend my statement of "I don't know..." with "and by that, I mean I actually don't know."  It's been strange.  Is it so rare for someone to admit they don't fully understand what's going on that these words have had their collective meaning changed?

So you should all know, I'm taking it back.  'I Don't Know - I Mean It.'  I'm not disagreeing with you, I honestly haven't yet decided.  For the befuddled and absent-minded.  For the indecisive.  For the fence-sitters, I'm taking it back.

I don't know.

In other binding news, I proposed to Vicky on Monday night.  Depending on who's telling the story, it was either all rather cute or very poorly time-managed!

-Anthony

* Unintentional, I swear.

quick, while she's distracted by a fly

I'm sure I had a reason.

Professional well-being is something that should be considered by everyone regularly.  I can't say how often - I could only come up with some arbitrary period which has no relevance to anyone else's own cycles.  But it's something that I'm fairly certain plenty of people don't think about, at least not everything that it may encompass.  Professional well-being isn't about the binary status of being employed or unemployed; there's such a large overlap of needs that I'm not even entirely sure I can consider it all.

Just like physical or financial well-being, we need to exercise, maintain and develop our professional lives.  A couple of priorities that I have been keeping in mind recently:

Sustainability - There are many facets to maintaining a sustainable profession, but highest there is personal satisfaction.  If I cannot see myself enthusiastic and satisfied with what I want to do in a month, a year or ten's time, then I shouldn't be spending my most immediate, urgent time right now not being there.  Work should be hard, but you have to get some satisfaction from what you do - otherwise, why are you there?

Relationships - At some level we are all business people, and at all levels business is about people.  You absolutely cannot maintain good business without maintaining good communication - with employees, employers, contractors, creditors, debtors, investors, bankers, mother-in-laws, archnemeses, whoever.  Whether the relationship is professional, short, friendly, in confidence, they need to be respected, maintained and worked on.  Without people we have no business, and with no business we have no profession.

Integrity - Honesty and respect should be the core tenants of all business.  Without honesty, there is no sustainability; without respect, there are no relationships.  Enough problems have been caused on the larger scale by dishonesty and disrespect - cowboy tactics did not work there, and they won't work on the smaller scale.  It's just... easier to do things right, and serves no long-lasting purpose to do otherwise.

Well, those are my big three things that I've been thinking on lately.

In other siege related news, I've joined the cool kids on WAR.  It's doing a lot of things I wished WoW did, so I'm pretty happy with it at the moment.  Also, picking up the Collector's Edition for cheaper than the standard?  Goodtimes!

-Anthony

fridgepants

Just like the previous, this one stains the carpets.

Lamentations and woe, good people - too long between blog posts!  

Pointform tonight so I can get to bed;

* The final release of the Perth Game Industry Survey is up at letsmakegames.org.  A great starting point for identifying the local industry profile and its broad intentions.  Great work Nick!

* Teh Learning Curve finally got their first video up.  Can't say I'm too surprised by the conclusion for their first episode.  I look forward to further instalments, if only for more of Jeremy's peculiar squeaking.

* Beautiful Katamari is... stunning, for many different reasons.

* Look left: I has blogroll!

* Look down: I has puppy!

Welcome to the household, Arthur.  Though you are making my house smellier, you're also making my girls happier.

-Anthony

bugbite squared